“Thoughts during a tornado while ducking down by wine bottles at a Walmart Superstore”

A Tornado has been spotted 10 minutes from here, moving in our direction.  Where am I?  I’m at the Walmart Superstore, hoping for safety but I got laughs instead……

My wife just informed me that a guy from our neighborhood is here too.  Rumor has it that this particular guy cheated on his wife with a 400lb whale that would and has allowed anyone to just walk right into her stankhole….hmm, thoughts begin to flutter….Glad I could be dying next to the core of humanity’s moral fiber…if he collapses, he is on his own, if he has been able to survive sex with a whale AND continued living afterwards while absorbing this whale’s past and present fluids, he’ll be able to survive anything.  He won’t need my help.  So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.  Thanks LamMAH!
More thoughts float about….huh, Looking around the crowd…there just might be one or two losses the world would end up missing…
Flutter, flutter….One of the only times being fat may be a life saving tool is during a tornado.  One, you have blubber to catch shrapnel before it hits a major organ and two, lets see this wind pick me up before that woman that has the scowl on her face with the eating disorder…maybe if she ate something she wouldn’t have stomach pain, ever think of that dipshit?….Ooop, add one more that might be missed…man, where did you come from lady?  Seeing her in here is like seeing a Victoria Secrets model wandering into a ComicCon….
Jesus, already there’s about 8 older women who have found lawn chairs and blankets and have huddled around each other undoubtedly bitching about how cold this section of the store is.  A tornado is coming and they are complaining about how expensive beef jerky is, when they haven’t tasted beef jerky since their sophomore year in college…and that beef jerky belonged to Susan, the resident dorm lesbian down the hall.  She use to break in all of the curious or confused…..
My mind is going crazy when I see a little kid in a basket…with a mohawk.  Should they just go ahead and start a wrap sheet on the 5 year old boys with mohawks?  Just to get the paperwork started, right?  You just know that his mother has a tramp stamp the size of the grill from a ’79 Buick above her ass crack and a barbell through her clit the size of a railroad tie……..MAN, Camel Toe is an epidemic in this store……a stampede of Camel Toe, if you will…..
Huh, I wonder what…..oh wait, we have the all clear…the tornado missed us, we’re safe and unfortunately for us, so are the rest of these people.

Just more of my pajamaMOUTH thoughts…..