March 3, 2014 1:45 pm est
Move over Fiona Apple, Charlie’s mom has been a bad, bad girl. For years now. We always knew it would bite her on the ass in the end but we never thought it would end the way it did. The wind current caused by the butterfly’s wings.
Mrs. Marcus had many affairs but this one was different. She thought she was falling in love. It was different not only because of the love she was feeling but also because this gent had a legit job she’d be proud to leave her husband of 17 years for. This fellow was a scientist! And he could screw like the dickens! No problems blowin’ her top with this guy. He knew all of the right spots to touch and tap and rub….including her purse strings. Mr. Marcus thought his lovely wife was using her part-time job salary on those new shoes and outfits when in fact she never had a job. Unless you count going down on the good doctor in the parking lot of a Denny’s during his lunch hour. Then she had many “jobs”. And she did them well! This time, on this day, the good doctor complained about a stomach ailment and a fever. So she knew this afternoon she would be doing all of the work herself but she didn’t mind in the least, for she would do anything for this man at this point. Even swallow. She would never think about serving Mr. Marcus in such a way. Not since their freshman year of marriage, that is. She really wanted the good doctor to stick around and she would do anything to keep it that way.
So this day was no different than the past year and a half when she would make sure he wouldn’t stray. The only difference was that she about yacked after he finished. It was not the same this time. She could barely stand it. All she thought was that it must have been his sickness that caused such a horrendous taste. “He must be on some real awful medicine”, she thought, “Note to self sweetie, ‘take a day off every once in a while’ “. She took it like a champ and kissed him on his extremely hot forehead before she left him in his car in the Denny’s parking lot.
“Love you honey! I’ll talk to you tonight. Get some rest and I will see you tomorrow.” She gets out of his BMW, looks around suspiciously and trots over to her minivan, slyly making her exit. As she pulls out in to traffic she takes a glimpse into her rear-view mirror to see that the good doctor hasn’t moved from his spot. “Perhaps he is checking his I-Phone for emails from work or texting his wife that he’d be home soon…”, she thought, “Get better soon doc, i’m gonna need some real loving tomorrow night!”
March 3, 2014 2:09 pm est
Dr. Lewis felt like shit! He couldn’t believe the new specimen that arrived the night before had sneezed its bloody nose right into his eyes first thing this morning. “GODDAMN POSSUM LOOKING PIECE OF SHIT!”, he screamed, echoing through the lab as his colleagues chuckled. They didn’t like Dr. Lewis much. You could see as they all locked eyes with one another giving each other mental ‘high-fives’. Dr. Lewis always made them do their work 7 times over to make sure no one screwed up because, as he always said, “It’s MY ass that’s on the line here!” Well, now it’s his ass that has to explode in the Denny’s restroom toilet. There is NO way he can wait the 15 minute drive back to lab. It was ‘go time’! Mrs. Marcus was long gone at this point so he didn’t have to worry about her sticking around, wondering what he was up to, just to find out he has the worst diarrhea of his life. This was much needed alone time. He bolts out of his car making sure his ass cheeks don’t separate as he heads into the diner right passed the hostess and rampaging through the bathroom door not giving any regard to the possibility that there might be someone on the other side about to get a door flat in the nose. Luckily, he was alone and he got the handicap stall for extra comfort. In his rush to release the hounds, so to speak, he left his I-Phone in his BMW. If he had brought it in with him he would have been getting the texts and the phone calls to have him first, “RUSH BACK TO THE LAB! SPECIMEN IS ON A RAMPAGE! NEED ADVICE!” Then secondly, “DO NOT COME BACK HERE, SPECIMEN ATTACKING EVERYDFHDSFH”. Then finally he would have heard the call or the voicemail that sounded more like someone left a message from inside the Chimpanzee home at the zoo because they didn’t have chimps at his lab, only rodent type animals, he would have found this very alarming. What was more alarming to him right now was that, not loose feces but bloody clumps of tissue were exiting him. By the time the good doctor looks down inside the toilet to realize this horrible nightmare is true, he keels over onto the almost as disgusting Denny’s bathroom floor. The pain is unbearable. It feels as though someone was shoving habaneros up his ass, repeatedly. And now they have made their way up through his intestines and into his stomach. He’s violently throwing up now. Projectile vomiting what looks like bloody clots and tissue.
The virus has taken hold. Left alone long enough, his hunger for flesh will peak and he has a buffet waiting for him right outside that restroom door.
If he’s lucky the next shift’s busboy will enter to take his last piss and tuck in his shirt before serving the blue hairs from Whitehurst. For this is Senior discount hour…and there’s a line at the door. But this day, Sonny the busboy won’t have to worry about getting pinched on the butt by the fat and friendly blue haired ladies(former whores from the fragile 40s). For this day, he will be quitting his job but not in anger but in fear.
March 3, 2014 2:22 pm est
Sonny enters the men’s room dreading the day’s long shift. Using the urinal for one last shake before tucking his shirt in and splashing his face with ice cold water to help him wake up and dry out from the joint he smoked on his walk in to work. He put his earbuds back in his ears to start the day off right with some Bad Religion pouring into his brain, cleansing all of the ‘bullshit’ his teachers tried to jam in during the day. “Thank god I’ll be graduating this year. I can’t take much more of this shit” , he thought, “Then its off to Hollywood to start my career in band management.” Sonny already has an internship set up with Capitol Records. He already has a hostel picked out until he can get on his feet and move into an apartment. He has it all lined up. Or so he thought. Fixing his hair in the mirror and properly rocking out to some ‘Infected’ on his I-Pod. He closes his eyes to belt out the chorus just at the right moment to allow him not to see the good doctor slowly appearing behind him as if he were being raised from an invisible elevator. The attack happens in less time than he can yell out an, “OH YEEEAHHH!” following the chorus—Dr. Lewis lunges forward and immediately latches on with a chomp on the side of the busboy’s neck! Dr. Zombie has wrapped his arms around Sonny’s torso and arms leaving his bites unattended and unrelenting! It leaves Sonny no choice but to back up frantically, pinning the good doctor between him and the wall. The zombie snaps back his head at the same time ripping the busboy’s flesh from his body but hitting his dead head against the wall behind them cracking its own skull and dropping him to the floor letting go of the terrified high schooler. The force of all of this action causes Sonny to fall forward writhing in anguish. Grabbing at his neck, he notices he is bleeding heavily near what he remembers from Biology class as being his jugular vein. “Its not squirting out, he frantically thinks, “so I should be okay as long as I get to a hospital”. Without even looking back at his assailant, Sonny attacks the bathroom door leaving much plasma and fright on the interior of the not-so-rest-room while making his exit. As he flees the confines of this smelly and now bloody bathroom, the door slowly closes blocking the view of the former Dr. Lewis sprawled against the wall with a little piece of the busboy left in his mouth….the zombie begins to twitch, for this was just the beginning and no one at this point knows how to stop him. No one will, until they are confronted with the only option left, if they are still alive to try it, that is. As the bad doctor now lies alone on the floor twitching away, all you can hear from inside the blood-bathroom is Sonny echoing in the dining room while running out through the front lobby doors, “CALL 9-1-1!!!! CALL 9-1-1!!!! HELP!!!!HELP!!!” This little piggy went ‘wee-wee-wee’ all the way home. He figured since he just lived 3 blocks away, Mommy ‘busboy’ could drive him to the emergency room faster than waiting for an ambulance.
March 3, 2014 2:45pm est
BREAKING NEWS FROM CHANNEL 13 NEWS ————–
Kardington Laboratories on the westside of the city has gone on lock-down! WE REPEAT! AT APPROXIMATELY 2:16PM SOMEONE FROM INSIDE OF KARDINGTON LABORATORIES HAD MADE A CALL TO 9-1-1 ASKING FOR EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLES AND WHAT WE THINK WAS A URGENT REQUEST FOR A CALL TO BE MADE TO THE MILITARY. We are trying to obtain the original 9-1-1 recording and as soon as we get it we will let you hear it ‘LIVE’ with us. We’re sure this is only an exercise but keep it here and we will keep you posted on this developing story. On an unrelated story, police are being called to a Denny’s restaurant about a disturbance involving an employee. We will update you on this story at the 6 o’clock news hour. Now back to your regularly scheduled program, “One Life to Live”.
** “Have you ever heard a Zombie laugh before? – Volume 3 of “The Zombie Witness” series coming soon**
- Zombie-Hamsters were the culprits. Volume 1 (gratitudedude.wordpress.com)
- Make A Zombie – Marcus Scherer (itunes.apple.com)
- Zombie Farm Hits 11 Million Downloads on iOS – People Still Love Farming (thegamerwithkids.com)
- Muhhhh: A Zombie Love Story (Part 3) (thestoryinme.wordpress.com)
- Zombie Theories (sandwalk.blogspot.com)
- Zombie drills (sixofclubs.net)
- Chiller: Zombie Week! (malbano720.wordpress.com)
- Fightfest: Supernatural Zombies vs. Biological Zombies from The Dump Stat (thedumpstat.blogspot.com)