What I want….

Watching the movie “The Dilemma” with Vince Vaughn and Kevin James.  The same old concept…best friend sees other best friends’ wife cheating and now has to tell him in a way that won’t mess things up for their work/friendship blah blah blah…I’m talking about the scene where Vince Vaughn was making a toast at his girlfriend’s parents 40th wedding anniversary party, it got me thinking…not about trust issues or even this stupid movie which might not be dumb..its still playing as I type this.  I needed to get this off of my chest….I have wasted my life for so long.  I will be 36 years old come October and I nothing to show for it.  Don’t get me wrong, I DO have a wonderful 8 almost 9 year old son with a horrible ex-wife and now I have an amazing 3 year old with my new wife of almost 3 years now…I have them, but as for what I have that will allow me to say “I have no regrets”…”I did it my way”….I have nothing.  I am starting over in my life after several jobs I’ve had, only to be laid off after being promoted in them….My life is filled with bills, backed up child support due to not being able to find even a shit job slinging snot to get something to my horribly evil ex-wife whom accrues about $50,000 a year working for the Post Office…..My son is taken care of, I am not a deadbeat father but I am depressed and stressed and out of Zoloft…so things seem worse than ever…I am tired of not having anything to toast to…I want nothing more than to be sitting next to my wife Lori in about 40 years and have someone toast that we did “our best, shot for the moon and took no prisoners while reaching for the stars”…I want nothing more than to hear that…but I will not ever hear that until I start doing things my way!  Until I start doing what I love and say what I want.  I’ve always known I wouldn’t do things the cookie cutter way but I tried, I tried so hard to fight what I really want.  What I want for me, for my family, for this world.  I know I have much more to give.  I know I am here for more than just witty comebacks and fat jokes in front of friends and family.

The only way to find happiness is to start making it.

I AM pajamaMOUTH and you WILL be hearing from me soon…VERY soon!

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