Dr. Phil’s Reasonings in Relationships? The Way or the Wicked?

On The Dr. Phil Show : Tonight’s Episode : “Angry Women, Scared Men!”

Cropped image from this file - President and M...

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Dr. Phil :  “Now I know, he knows and the audience knows…for a FACT, that when you are punching Johnny, you’re husband, in the back of his head, mmkay, repeatedly, mmkay, that, that its not really about the amount of baby bottles he has made, which wasn’t to your liking…mmkay…It’s really not about that, now is it? It’s your anger at your father, isn’t it?”

Angry Woman #1 : (Crying) “No….no Dr. Phil…..Its not, you’re right, Its NOOOTTTT…(Crying uncontrollably)

Now, I knew it!  And he knew it! But if he would have said that to her right at that moment….he would have been DEAD! 

While being punched in the back of the head, the Scared Man #1’s attempt at telling her the Dr. Phil McGraw‘s way of relationship communication would’ve went more like this :

Scared Man #1 : (whack) Now honey, (whack) I know its not the baby bottle (whack) that’s upsetting you. (whack) It’s really that you are pissed off (whack) at your dad for (whack) killing himself! (whack)(whack,whack,whack,whack)…….Have you ever thought your dad isn’t DEAD?!?! HE JUST MIGHT BE HIDING???!!!!!

I can tell you I had an incident with my ex wife, my wife at the time.  Try having a wife with extreme adult A.D.D. with fits of rage and violence….try having an EX wife with all of these attributes.  Now try having an EX wife and having a kid with her…yeah, thats fun.  Its like knowing you have to hang out with a crack head for 12 hours straight with only a half hour worth of crack for her to smoke.  As soon as that crack wears off…Katie BAR the DOOR!” 

My ex wife once got so angry at me for not chopping an onion the “right” way….I had to back out of the kitchen never taking my eyes off of her, not knowing what she might do next…..I just shut my mouth…took the knife WITH me, backed away slowly and NEVER taking my eyes off of the animal.  Now let me tell you what would have happened if I tried the Dr. Phil way of communication :

ME(Scared Man #2) : “So I told this kid at work today—What?—What’s wrong hun?–Huh?—-

EX Wife (Angry Woman #2) : “I said….How could you? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? (enraged) HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE THAT YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CHOP ONIONS THE RIGHT WAY!?!?!”

ME (Scared Man #2) : “Sweetheart, now I know its really not my poor culinary skills chopping an onion…Its really your father that you are angry with not giving you the love that you always thought you deserved. Now isn’t it?”

She would have, in one giant swoop, used some sort of superhuman attribute that is only given to those stricken with adult A.D.D. with moments of uncontrollable rage…she would have grabbed the knife and slit my throat and cut off my balls in a blink of an eye!  It would have been so fast that my head would have hit the floor before my balls would have eventhough, anatomically, it would’ve seemed impossible…until that one moment in time.

But, instead, I chose the option that only a well-seasoned-reality-based, been-through-many-relationships-with-women-expert would have chosen.  She was my second divorce. I’m not perfect.  I’ve had a handful of crazy relationships in my 35 years.  “Only a handful?” You might ask? Yes. I didnt say a dozen or more.  If you reach that statistic, you’re NOT and expert as much as you are incredibly stupid or insecure…or both! Some people are addicted to those type of relationships.  I should’ve known by my ex-wife’s most recent boyfriend.  He was a crackhead.  Literally.  I knew then, something wicked this way comes….Just that that was who she was attracting to her life.  I did a HUGE amount of personal inventory are finding that out!  But I ahve learned my lesson…only a handful…but sometimes you go into it knowing she is crazy.  Sometimes its fun to find a girl who will sing in the choir on Sunday mornings and then spend her Sunday evenings shitting on your chest.  You get just a little curious as to what possibly can happen next!

Unfortunately, sometimes she has a violent temper-tantrum at your inability to chop an onion the “right” way and you have learned to shut your mouth and back away slowly….never taking your eyes off of the beast!

 

Those are my thoughts, so stay kind World and love yourself and one another.

Phil McGraw photographed for the cover of News...

Image via Wikipedia

I am pajamaMOUTH.

 

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